Our 1st Anniversary

Sunday, 27 September 2015

Has it really been a year since we said our vows?

A lot of people asked, "So how is it like being married?". To which H and I always reply, "It feels the same as when we were dating.".

The answer is true to a certain extent because H was practically living with my family and I even before we got married (he stayed over on most days). So after signing on the dotted lines, life goes on and nothing changed other than our marital status on Facebook and application forms.

And then two weeks ago, someone asked me something different, "Do the both of you encounter any differences living together?"

A resounding YES was my answer.

I am not just talking about little incidences like not putting down the toilet bowl flap after he's done. I don't care about that. Neither am I referring to taking out the trash - no big damage there.

It is more of our ways of doing things that lead to personality differences. Both of us do things to benefit ourselves and each other but the style we use to achieve the end result is just different. For example, I am more environmentally conscious so I'd want things to be done according to Style A. H, on the other hand, is more picky due to personal preference which I'd sometimes deem wasteful and perhaps, environmentally unfriendly. As expected, these incidents lead to arguments. There is no right or wrong, just differences.

Planning for a wedding may seem like all fun, lovely and beautiful but the actual hard work is what happens after - Marriage. It is not easy living with differences, arguing over the differences yet try to retain the sparks especially when the both of us are such strong characters. And that's why the word "compromise" and the phrase "holding your tongue" are mentioned so often in every marriage-related book and article possible.

H and I are vastly different human beings, I'm sure you already know that. Sometimes I feel like I am the male in the relationship because I am selfish (sorry men but it is true in most cases) and insensitive. I am strong on the outside but soft on the inside which leads me to say ugly words I don't mean during our unhappy moments. I still do behave like a female in the sense that I need a lot of attention and tons of pacifying.

There is still a lot of working on to do but for now and quite a while, I am contented and immensely grateful that H doesn't have the mentality that a wife has to be the one who does the washing, cleaning, cooking, and what have you, exclusively. He is still the man who cooks and washes (if you're wondering, I do cook and wash too), he still does his own laundry and most importantly, he still gives me and respects the freedom I crave.

Marriage has taught me that a pair of man and wife does not necessarily need to become one. We may be married but we are also independent individuals who can manage our finances separately and we can still lead our own individual lives. I guess the part where we "became one" is when we share the same values, goals and grow towards the same direction. Other than that, we are happy with being two.

If you're thinking of after-marriage sacrifices, I honestly don't think there's any...yet. Probably having less personal time since we have to spend a couple of hours per week on housework. On a positive note, I think our attitudes toward each other have improved, we are more patient and there are definitely far lesser unpleasant moments.

Happy First Anniversary, love.
To more laughter!

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